The wedding was beautiful. Straight out of a picture perfect postcard. Everything looked gorgeous and perfect – from the colored paper wheels (that Ma and I procured from the beach and carried 100s of them back to our hometown) to the gorgeous wall of wishes (created out of flowers and cloth strings) to the wonderful host of family and friends who had gathered to participate in the celebrations. So many of my dear friends had travelled to my hometown despite: (i) tight schedules, (ii) baby issues, (iii) the wedding being on a weekday; (iv) took not one, but two days off; and (v) the wedding location being in not such an accessible part of the world. Friends who came not just from different parts of India but also from the world (Thanks to mom and dad, we never limited our growth to a particular city or geographical space. No limits to our imagination and our dreams. Make friends wherever you go. Share a bit of your culture and life with them. Keep with you, wonderful memories. Invite them to your country, especially for your wedding for who wants to miss a big, fat Indian wedding!!!)
It was all overwhelming. What more do I say other than, I felt grateful. For a wonderful life, for an awesome family and the best of friends. Mom was at her organizational best. Aided by her army of helpers, friends and family and her most important aide, my sister, they pulled off something, which was truly a spectacular event. Not only for the scale, but the feel of it. The gorgeousness of everything, the fun, the emotions.
Now, when I look back at what remains, the memories of the wedding are still beautiful. You cannot go back in time to attribute a different feeling to an experience from what you felt at the time of the event itself. However, the way in which you think about something today, may be colored by your experiences and thoughts in the present moment.
It was all beautiful but such a waste. A waste of all the beautiful emotions, all the celebrations and the time, effort and money. It derailed my life for a good 9 months (and perhaps even now because I am still in that phase of inertia). No one can be blamed for it. Post month 2, everything was weird. I thought I could solve the problems, but how do you, when problems exist in someone’s mind? I was very naive. Not having been in a relationship before, I did not realize what was unfolding before me. It was like something straight from a horrible Hindi movie (the kinds that I would avoid watching). But here it was, my life – something I could not even avoid. Its just that, somewhere in the middle, I did realize that it was ‘MY’ life, and just like you would walk out of a horrible Hindi movie, I walked out. Much before the Interval – when no one expected me to leave, just like that, in the darkness.
The images still come back to me. I try and wonder what the ending was like. Maybe the movie is still running but the only saving grace is, I am no longer watching it.